Boys... *sigh*

What is it about men that makes them so... insensitive?

OK. I don't really mean insensitive, but...

Well, let's recap. I had mentioned that I had fallen in love with my best friend and that after telling him, he turned jerk on me. Short and simple, right?

Wrong. I still love him as a friend. And I miss him as a friend. Hell, I miss all my guy friends. The three that I have. One was my crush and therefore feels awkward, the other is a friend of the first, but yet hasn't talked to me in about a year and the third and final one is a normal friend, but I never get to see him because we're both too busy.

The last one isn't so bad. Even though, he was the first guy I liked in College. And silly me, I gave him advice and made him realize how in love he was with his ex from back home. Yup, that's me. Stupid and naive. But I can't help it. I didn't want to be responsible for getting in the way of their feelings. I know I'd hate it if someone did that to me. Although I friend of mine asked him if he'd ever consider dating me. He said yes, but never did anything about it, so that doesn't mean he may have liked me. But I'm getting sidetracked.

I had liked this guy for about 4 years. Loved him, too. And in my Senior year, I decided that I could no longer dwell on the idea that he might someday turn around and realize that he, too, is madly in love with me (yes, I was that delusional). Anyway, I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him in person, because I am actually horrible at confrontation (and couldn't stand to actually hear him say that he didn't, and never did, like me the same way), I sent him a letter. A huge letter.

This letter detailed how I felt about him, why I was writing this instead of telling him (not to mention he was in another school, in a different country) and that I wanted to know how he felt (though I had an idea) and if he still wanted to be friends.

It was... sweet. He was very gracious, didn't want to hurt my feelings, told me I was good friend that he cherished, and yes, he would love to stay friends. But ultimately, I was right: he didn't feel the same. That actually helped me move on.

But now.... our friendship's pretty much dissolved. I know that the rule of thumb is that a friendship is not defined by how often you talk, but by knowing that you're there for each other, always. But... there is a difference between talking sometimes, and talking... never.