Yeah... so about the Miracles...

So that guy that gave me butterflies? Turned out he's too lazy to even fight for me.

It's a long and complicated story, but the cheat sheet version is as follows:

The weekend before his birthday, he drunkenly said he loved me. He then repeated it the next morning. So I figured he knew what he was saying. Then at brunch he asks me to be his girlfriend. And I never hinted at that or asked him to ask me. I said yes, because well I really liked him and was incredibly flattered. Big mistake. But we'll get to that in a bit.

I had gone to visit him at work for his birthday, this after knowing each other for a month, and liking each other for two weeks (well telling each other we did).

He didn't seem to like that I asked him who he was talking to on the phone IN FRONT OF ME and this after he told me his ex-gf had given him a birthday present and that she was texting him.

I had told him I wasn't 100% OK with this, the bond between his ex-gf and him, but I acknowledged the fact that they had a history and that I had no right to ask him to cut her off.

The next day, after I surprised him, he says we need to talk. We fought, he wanted to be friends and I said I couldn't. The things the bugged me, besides the fact that he didn't just tell me then and there that it was bugging him:

1. It's a small issue that could've been hashed out in 5 minutes. End of problem.

2. He did this over text. Said he would call, didn't and didn't pick up when I tried to call.

3. Accused me of not trusting him, because of the whole ex-gf, and then proceeded to bombard ME with questions about what I tell my friends about us.

4. Was actually bothered by the fact that I had asked him to call a little less in the first week, and neglected to tell me this.

5. Turns out, he did the same thing to me as he did to his rebound. "I love you, be my girlfriend" one minute and "I need time to think" the next.

But there is still more to this. HIS side of the story is that apparently he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend. That he merely suggested it and that I misunderstood him. OK. You're thinking, that could be. We were hungover, and sleep deprived, maybe I heard wrong. Sure.

Except that same night, we talked on the phone and when I brought up the fact that he asked me, he never denied it or tried to explain otherwise. Like I said. He let's things happen, whether their reasonable or not.

And as for the whole point #4, I agree that maybe it's scary for someone to say that. But I took that same risk but expressing that it was a bit much for me. I was naive enough to believe that we could talk freely, and tell each other everything. And turns out that he didn't trust me and on top of that accused me of not trusting him.

Anyway. Chapter 2.

I try to be the bigger person and give him a chance to explain. But he's still trying to text. So I layed out an ultimatum that I could do this in person or not at all. He called, some points, but then hung up and resumed texting. He said he'd tell me when he could come down. Never heard from him.

He shows up with a friend at our Christmas Dinner. At 2 AM. Two weeks after I texted him. I was pissed at this point. More at the fact that he didn't realize how much he hurt me, than not hearing from him for two weeks.

Only when I couldn't take ignoring him, while others explained to him what he did wrong, and started to leave, is when he decides he has to talk to me.

I let him have it. And his response to the problem was to cut off his ex-gf completely.

Long story short: it is sooo over. It's been two more weeks since then and all I got are crickets from him. He kept saying he wanted to make this work and he actually does love me (which I so don't believe at this point) but hasn't done a damn thing since to prove me wrong.

It's disappointing, and I was hurt, more than some people know. But I'm glad it happened sooner then later, and I'm glad I was able to stand up to him and let him know he was in the wrong and that I wasn't gonna stand for it.

Peace out amigos!

Miracles Happen =P

So back to the whole guys issue. Well, he's still in me building. But we still don't talk. So I guess there isn't much to say on that note.

However, there is a little more intriguing notes in the guys department.

About two weeks ago, I met a guy on a trip. It was just a trip with my friends to blow off steam from the stress of midterms and school. And we had gotten a pretty sweet deal online. We had actually met a couple weeks earlier, during a Halloween party, but we never really talked.

Even on this trip, we didn't say much to each other. One my friends told me he thought I was cute. was flattered, but the guy had so much other drama going on that I thought it was pointless. He had just broken up with his ex a week ago, and was on the rebound with another girl. I thought he was cute, but I didn't think much of the idea of liking him.

After the trip, we started texting randomly, and he asked me out. I thought it was a friendly invite, even though it was to the mountains and for ice skating. On the second night after the trip. We talked for 3 hours. =) And we finally admitted to each other that we did in fact like each other.

But then, we started talking on the phone a little too much. And I made it clear I was trying to take it slow, cause it was my first relationship. Hell, it was the first time a guy I liked, liked me back. And it still is.

But our first date was amazing. Chill, romantic, honest, fun and even comfortable. At first we couldn't look at each other for more than 5 seconds without laughing. And eventually, he was comfortable enough to do for longer. But I was still giggling. He makes me get sooo many butterflies. I've never felt like this.

After dinner, he was getting me a cab. And while we were waiting, he held my hand. Every time his thumb caressed the back of my palm, I got more butterflies. He said, and I quote, that "[it] felt so right."

Now I know I should still keep my guard up, I mean, he has had a lot of drama lately. But I love the way he makes me feel. And, I should enjoy this feeling while I can, shouldn't I?

I think I'm overloading your brain again. But I'll sign off on the following note.

Girls, if you've ever felt that guys don't notice you. That they only see you what you look like and not who you are on the inside. Be patient. I was you before this. And I can tell you with certainty, it's worth the wait. It's the best feeling the world to know that someone likes your annoying quirks, your personality and most of all respects you. And it's rare and hard to find. But once you find it, you realize that all the waiting, the jerks, the crying, was totally and completely worth it. =)

Peace out amigos!

Boys... *sigh*

What is it about men that makes them so... insensitive?

OK. I don't really mean insensitive, but...

Well, let's recap. I had mentioned that I had fallen in love with my best friend and that after telling him, he turned jerk on me. Short and simple, right?

Wrong. I still love him as a friend. And I miss him as a friend. Hell, I miss all my guy friends. The three that I have. One was my crush and therefore feels awkward, the other is a friend of the first, but yet hasn't talked to me in about a year and the third and final one is a normal friend, but I never get to see him because we're both too busy.

The last one isn't so bad. Even though, he was the first guy I liked in College. And silly me, I gave him advice and made him realize how in love he was with his ex from back home. Yup, that's me. Stupid and naive. But I can't help it. I didn't want to be responsible for getting in the way of their feelings. I know I'd hate it if someone did that to me. Although I friend of mine asked him if he'd ever consider dating me. He said yes, but never did anything about it, so that doesn't mean he may have liked me. But I'm getting sidetracked.

I had liked this guy for about 4 years. Loved him, too. And in my Senior year, I decided that I could no longer dwell on the idea that he might someday turn around and realize that he, too, is madly in love with me (yes, I was that delusional). Anyway, I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him in person, because I am actually horrible at confrontation (and couldn't stand to actually hear him say that he didn't, and never did, like me the same way), I sent him a letter. A huge letter.

This letter detailed how I felt about him, why I was writing this instead of telling him (not to mention he was in another school, in a different country) and that I wanted to know how he felt (though I had an idea) and if he still wanted to be friends.

It was... sweet. He was very gracious, didn't want to hurt my feelings, told me I was good friend that he cherished, and yes, he would love to stay friends. But ultimately, I was right: he didn't feel the same. That actually helped me move on.

But now.... our friendship's pretty much dissolved. I know that the rule of thumb is that a friendship is not defined by how often you talk, but by knowing that you're there for each other, always. But... there is a difference between talking sometimes, and talking... never.

Reminiscing

So... I haven't written here in about a year. Got lost for a while there. But anyway, on to my life, since that's what this is about, right?

Since we last saw me, I was in the Sauder School of Business, at the verge of changing faculties, and having boy drama with my former crush and friend. Well, a lot has happened since then. And I mean A LOT.

Where to begin? Well, for starters, no longer in Sauder. I'm now in the Faculty of Arts. And am trying to get back into the business school. So far I'm doing good, just have to get a good grade in an Econ course. So cross your fingers for me!

My former crush is officially a douche. Haven't talked more than two sentences worth with him since the last time I posted on here. But what can I say it's his problem and his loss. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

So I'm focusing on school now. Yes, the whole guys topic comes up occasionally.

For example, my friends thought I could use a little more encouragement and went ahead and made me a dating profile online. I was shocked, to say the least, but it wasn't half bad int he beginning. Some of the guys were decent and one was even pretty flattering. But as the saying goes, boys will be boys, he seemed to want a little action as opposed to actually getting to know me. So that was that.

But it's not like I'm obsessed. I had gotten to the point where I would sob after an utterly romantic movie or the most breathtakingly romantic moment in a serial. But now I don't do that as much (almost never, actually). I'd say the dating site made me realize that if I want this to happen the right way, I need to be patient and let it happen on its own time. So girls, know of any cute, decent and preferably Indian (I'm not picky on race, though) guys that are available?

Moving on, I should also mention, that I am no longer a virgin.

HA! Gotcha! I am very much still a virgin, but I am no longer a kissing virgin. Yes, I finally had my first kiss.

Now, don't get too excited. It was nice overall, but the guy, as usual, was a jerk. We were watching a movie, and he started cuddling me. Now, I had known him for a year, and always had thought he was cute. So I let him. Then he leaned in for a kiss. That's when I stopped him, panicking.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious? Come on. It's just kissing. Nothing more."

"Well, I've never kissed anyone before..."

He's stunned. "Never? Are you serious? It's not that big a deal." And with that he starts leaning in again.

"Stop, wait. I wanted this to be special." I retort.

He looks at me, with a hint of impatience. "Your first kiss is always meant to be 'not perfect.' No one get's the perfect first kiss. It's a myth."

"Do you like me at all?" I ask.

"Sure. Why do you think I asked you to come over?" He leans in again, and as he's doing this I think, this isn't so bad. I like him and he seems to like me. Isn't that supposed to be the definition of a good first kiss?

So, I gave in. And let me tell you, it wasn't half bad. I used to think that even though it looked nice in the movies, that in reality I would find it gross, and never do it again after the first time. But even though it was, pleasurable, it wasn't... great. I didn't feel any spark. The intimacy felt good, how could it not, but not the way I expected it to. And what's worse, after about three kisses, we stop the movie and start talking a bit. Suddenly he gets obsessed with showing me Old Spice youtube responses. And then he gets a message from a friend, a girl friend. All of a sudden he has to go and is basically kicking me out. That was last summer, in July. Haven't spoken so much as a word to him since. And what's worse, he now lives in my building. But that's another story, for another time. I think I've overloaded your brain enough for one post.

Hasta la vista, panas!

New Beginnings...

Well, this is my first blog ever. Ok, that's not entirely true. I did do one for a new course in my university, but I dropped the class, so it was the only blog post I had ever written, before this one. What can I tell you? Well, I have a tendency to over-obsessively crush on guys, and I even fell in love with someone who used to be my best friend. No, we didn't stop being friends because I told him I loved him, but because he became a jerk and started to ignore me completely after over half a decade of friendship and being past the awkwardness of me liking him. I don't have those feelings for him anymore, but I miss him as a friend, I admit.

I actually just started college this academic year, and will soon be a sophomore. I had a bit of a tough time in the second semester. Ok, the truth is I got a little lazy because I started to focus on a single subject too much. But hey, it happens. My grade are still salvageable, except I might have to change faculties. But anyway, that's a story for another time. I have to study for a Economics exam so I'll leave the rest of my story for future posts.